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This is the x-th day of these last few weeks where in the morning I just don't feel like getting started in work. I just feel sitting. feeling, staring, writing a bit.

It's been almost a full year now since I lost my mom. She was ready to go, to let go. but I 'm still not really. I still miss talking to her, to just hear her tell stories, to hear that I'm doing good, that she is proud of me (even when I'm singing). I want to tell her stories about Manon studying, about Aidan creating, about my newly found appreciation for growing plants-I might have inherited that from you mom.

So much has changed in just one year and I still feel conflicted about one thing: life does go on without you. I think of her when playing music, when talking to my dad, when listening to certain songs, when walking in nature.

Do I feel guilty towards her for moving on? She would have wanted me to let go, enjoy life and think about her. I remember her asking me those last days to reassure her that I wouldn't forget her. Well mom, I didn't and I promise I never will.

Do I feel angry for life to "just continue" without her? I think I do. Maybe it is my inner child that wants to spend time with her, even if she is no longer here. I try to give him time with her by thinking about the stories she loved telling, the songs we sang together, the places we visited and how proud she was.

I continue to feel her inside of me and 'see' her in music, in nature and in myself.

This one goes out to you mom, wherever your energy went, a big part of it stays with me and our entire family.

Dag mamaake - "Dag zooneke"